A: 45
L: 830 (10)
P: 20

Im trying to recover.
I don't know why but i am feeling really stressed about school work but yet im like not going to study.


maybe.

when you feel dead sick.

School is really uneventful.
It kinda sucks when you don't have the usual group of people around you.

This sem I got to be really really independent; more independent than last semester, and i really mean MORE.
-
-
[[Beliefs. Dependency on each other. I know you trust me pal, because i trust you to guide me. ]]
Humans are selfish creatures who consciously or sub-consciously wish for the best for themselves.
I am a human being. I want the best I can have.
The currently state we are in may not be ideal, but we will make the best out of it. It is because I know where you stand, and I will do my best to maintain this status of yours.
Pal.

Has been some time since i last blogged.

I've been trying to adapt to the new time-table, new classmates and the most importantly the fact of having lesser of the usual lunch kakis around. I've been trying to adapt, but can i ?

Pal goes home whenever there's a long break, leaving me all alone wondering here and there around the campus, searching for kakis who do not have classes during that time-slot [but of course they all have classes]. So all i could do is to find an empty study room around B26-03-?? and slack inside, hoping that nobody comes into the room and says, "Hey, we booked the room", not forgetting to show me the yellow piece of paper. But dang it, I already survived the 1st week of tutorial classes.

Seriously, when i hear the words 'project work' during tutorials, I know for sure things won't go my way. When you look around the class you could see that there are already cliques around. There's no way for my pal and I to get into a not bad project group. [Sometimes we just have to be selfish; but now we just have to accept it.] So now here we go, wondering who will be our project mates for the latest project.

Give me the best.

Just MAYBE.

I wish for:

1) more winnings
2) more winnings
3) more winnings
4) more winnings
5) higher gpa.

=)

It's amazing how one incident has changed me. I pretty sure that i have grown again, in one way or another.

I want to change the way i lead my life.
"A person who looks loose on the outside, may not be what he is in the inside"

I could live on, even if im all alone.




MAYBE.

Basically im slacking my day away.

update later -

TIME IS BAD, and i am out-of-money.

HELPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP me

I remember the last time I CHIONGED damn hard for CMA 1 main examinations because i just passed my class test.

I hope it's gonna be the same for International Finance too.

I yearned for chances. However, whenever a chance arrives, i fail to grab hold of it. I failed once, twice, thrice this week. No more 'energy' to try again.




It's another chance forgone. Raising.

ROI target: 600%
ROI current status: -30%


Never had a dream come true.

Late nights as usual. I realised i have alot of schoolwork to catch up with. International Finance as well as Fundamental of Investments - subjects which i have little confidence in.

Sem 2.2 - im coping better with stress, i dont feel VERY stress. I swear i have not gave up hopes on getting into a local university. Im going to do what it takes to enter into the local Uni, SMU or NTU.


1st thing 1st, raise my GPA.

Amanda is in Korea attending University to finish her Korean Studies.

Then suddenly, some thoughts came into my mind. This thoughts might have appeared in some of you guys' mind as well. Can i get into a local University?




AUST.

I took North1 and you guys go North2. It seems further and further.

It's the new year, 2009. Im looking forward to April - a month where classmates will be reshuffled again. Im not looking forward to the new class, but looking forward to get away from the current class. I guess i simply cannot blend into the class.

Year 2009 seems to come so quickly, given that there weren't much events in the year 2008. However i do enjoy year 2008 - off-school moments. It's pretty enjoyable and happening, isn't it?


I don't know how to put my thoughts into words, i don't know what im searching for at this stage. All i know is that i want to be happy. People who is coming into my life in Year 2009, people who is going to impact me greatly in Year 2009, i seek happiness.

I realised i find most joy on the field.

i wish to agree on each soccer games invited by anyone of you guys, but the pain on my thigh is getting from bad to worse after every soccer game on Saturday.

Due to blog hopping lately, i felt that i have neglected my own blog.

It's really nice to be in the holiday mood:

Genting Trip
Chalets
Mahjong
Weekly Soccer/ Match
Movie Sessions

It simply feels good to have a long break.

纸包不住火 - 这句话是那么的真，那么的准确。隐瞒了那么久，终于一个不小心说出来了。

Was it me or was it them? Was it temptation or was it a misunderstanding?
It was a misunderstanding, im sure. Was i tempted? Was i influenced? I reckon i was.
Put the blame on no one. It was purely a mistake, something which should not have happened in the first place.

如果多了你们，这件事可能就不会发生了。很庆幸的是：我能够继续装下去，当作什么也没有发生。老实说，这是很难的一件事。但是为什么 办到了？

Chalets drained me, mahjong too. Physically and financially. When will my luck be back? My luck has all vanished, together with my energy ..

SHCFC - Singapore Honda Club Football Club has a forum now. It's great that we are picking up form now, winning matches. Well, it feels better paying for a winning match. 2 straight victories. 10 goals in 2 games. 3 conceded. Im glad im part of the winning team. A goal scored - too great. Half Volley.

Movies - The Stepbrothers ; Mirrors ; and all the lap chap movies i watch at crunchy roll.

I said im enjoying my life..

School is starting tomorrow. I bet everything is gonna be as per normal. AS-PER-NORMAL.
SCHOOL gonna be boring ...

lectures
tutorials
projects
new friends.

it will be fine.

the answer will be revealed soon.
the yearning to be.

life is full of gambles; life is a gamble; life is a choice; life is full of choices.
too philosophical.

yes, life is a philosophy.

holidays is like coming to an end already, which means the beginning of a new semester. Have i not yet decided whether to gamble again to excel throughout the remaining semester (or rather at least for the next semester) or to just admit that i can't make it to local university ?

for days i stayed at home, or rather didnot go to places that i have to spend alot. Unknowing, i seem to be like saving up money to prepare for the high cost private university. (laugh at me and say, "as if staying at home for a few days help to save enough to go private uni !". How ? Im in doubts. I seriously have no idea what are the chances of me getting into a local univeristy right now. A cummulative gpa of 3.08, "where the hell can i go with this gpa? im in AnF hello! this gpa can't even go university, not even appeal !". Be fair to the others, pals and buddies didnt do as well either. But like me, have they also given up on hope to make it to local univeristies? Or would they rather find other means to get into universities ?

I always feel that im in a different situation as compared to them. Well, i do have family members - aunties, uncles pressurising me. At my father's side, im the FIRST grandchild to choose a Polytechnic route, not only the first but the only one right now. As for at my mother's side, im the 2nd to choose a polytechnic route. But now, tell me what are the chances i can get into a local university? My dream University - Singapore Management Univeristy !!

I would agree if you said that im thinking too way ahead now, i still have 2 more years to go and National Service to attend.
But i would have scared you if i told you my other plans ahead. Mum had a shock.



Diploma in Accounting and Finance Semester 2.1, here i come!
ATTACK MY PROBLEM !!!!!!!!

oh stop being a spoilt brat.


when job is away from me, im less fatigue.
i can stay up late in the night and sleep minimal hours.
i can crap all day long and tame my "off-salesman" temper.

it's really amazing how life has turned out to be right now. Having heard about "maybe we dont even know the ''real'' them" kinda made me feel that perhaps we have not know our real self either. I wish to have an encounter that can change my life for the better. Not that im not happy with my life right now, but humans are never satisfied. Im a human.



Im quite amazed .
AS - im seeking

oh yeah. very long since i last blogged (same old line)

a little update on my current life right now - CHEMICALS.
currently im working at some small-scale chemical factory at woodlands for my uncle, producing a medium amount of DRUMS(not that drum for musical) found inside a printer. We are supposed to Coat, Oven, Vision Inspect and then Pack. seems easy yeah ? but no, not at all. We have too many procedures to follow and high levels of expectations to meet. All these are requested from the customers make our job tougher 10 folds.

No wonder they say customers come first
$7 per hour, you should know what i meant. Quite a good grab isn't it ? But it really make me very tired, having to wake up very early each day ! 5AM ! As for people who knows me, you know i dont sleep early and i have to wake up early. This is already a tough chore for me.



oh yeah, working has cut down my time on computer games. Of course i desire to have a game of two when i reached home, but normally my kakis dont play as much already. End up, i browsed the Internet Websites, and read up news online.
Amazingly! I found this out - http://taykewei.blogspot.com/ - tay ke wei's blog.
Not sure about this girl? Better check out more about her yeah ! She's amazing ! I guessed she should just be a professional singer and not a backstage singer !
However, im rather inspired by this young lady, not sure about expressing it though !

anyway ! all the best Miss Tay. K.W

tired, yet dont feel like sleeping. oh man!

it has really been so long since i last blogged. Examination ended, holidays started and so has holiday job.

let's put it simple and short.
examinations - sucks
holidays - boring
holiday job - unlucky (i broke a big cylinder while cleaning it)

nothing much happened on me lately, just that there's some mixed feelings and thoughts within me. i never ever go to such extend unless there is special meaning into it. But come on Jonathan, you know that the special meaning is not good enough for that. VEXED.

is that a permament or temporary ? is that a desire or a yearn ? is that already for some time or just the beginning ? oh, please guide me.

"baby!", is that true ?

very very very long nv blog.

im sick, and i might be dying too.
why die ?
high stress level - proven with the fact that pimples are popping out.


tomorrow MBS paper already.
i wont tell you how hard we tried to dig the tips out out the lecturers and tutors.
all i can tell you is, we failed to get any proper tips.




mugging

the difference between a GOOD listener and a BAD listener:

Good listener: He/She will listen patiently to what his/her speaker wants to convey, accepting his/her words and slowly gave his/her ADVICES to his/her speaker.

Bad listener: He/She rebut for every single point his/her speaker wants to convey, accepting his/her words only when a 3rd party agrees with his/her speaker and disagree with her/him.




Which is you?
I'm both

hey. i guess it's like a real MUST for me to blog already. It's not like i could not take it anymore, more likely is that i just want things to be known clearly.

True, for myself and most of us. It matters to us if people cannot tolerate us, or rather our nonsense. Who wants enemies yeah? But, what can we do about it ? nonsense to them is like nothing to us - the person himself/herself. We don't see ourselves as nonsense, just like THEY themselves dont see themselves having faults. Unknowingly, they conveyed the message that they think that they are fault-less. e.g of words that might tell us so, "THEY DO US WRONG WHY SHOULD I BE NICE TO THEM?". hahas. words like these often could be heard, but think again . . . how could we have said that others have done us wrong ? If only we could have more time to ourselves, sit down and ponder our past mistakes on others. Only then we will come to senses and realise "hey, i think i was like him before."

Well, people often say that we should forgive and forget. We all tried to do that, who wouldn't right ? Brooding on an arguement for a long time hurts. However, arguements are often placed within our unconscious memory. So, when the arguement got heated up with the similar person again, the past arguements that was within the unconscious memory will be triggered off and make the present arguement worst.
The above was merely an extreme case, in other words a case which already has reached its limits.

Body language and tone placed an important role in bringing out our thoughts to our peers. A simple "i hate you" but said in a sweet tone would be taken lightly as compared to a "I HATE YOU!!!" in a harsh tones through the pair of stern eyes.

It's simple. If only we could sit down and look into it nicelyn with the party. However, would he/she even listen to us ?

Come till here, i wouldn't say that im in no wrong for what happened. However, i wouldn't apologies inappropriately anymore. This is because, i dont see that my mistake is any bigger than yours. Moreover, stuffs were exaggerated and even "bull-shitted". Tell me more about me showing him/her attitude in the morning. I dont remember seeing him/her in the morning that day, as far as i know that my short term memory can last at least a week ?

ohyeahs. If you think that by being nice when im around you and not when im away from you make the world a happier place, you could jolly well be wrong. The world can never be a happy place as long as your traits exist. Think carefully with what i have said.

Tone, again.
Body Language, again.

High ego-ness is better off than people with arrogance and dominance.
i admit, im ego. HIGH.

long time since i last blogged. i dont know what to say.
life has been really busy and i dont really have time for myself either. =/

i guess, i really missed out alot these few years. . .

I would never regret going back to You. And! I have lala (arian) to pei me at hoGc! COOLIOOOOOO !!

I finally understand what He wants me to possess.
He is giving me the chance to stand out of the crowd, the chance to lead the rest.

Ever since i returned to You, I felt You again - so strongly.
The past few sermons, the preachings i received from Pastor How and Pastor Lia . . . i felt it so strongly.

Tell me about " the more you seek for something, the more you wouldn't get it. However, the more you don't want something, the more you would get it". This scenario happened on me again and again. It is like telling me to let nature take its own course, let my heart take control instead of my mind. The feeling is just, so strong.

I know what You want to instill into me.


ohoh! I met Sister Evelyn ! =)

HAPPY NEW YEAR.
it's now Year 2008. & my resolution for Year'08 is TO BE CALM !

Wishes everyone all the best.
It's great spending the last day of YEAR 2007 with clique and hoGc's B zone at the PRATA SHOP.

hoGc - Part of B2

Today is the last day of the MID-SEM-TEST. 'll be having the stupidest subject later on, MANAGING BUSINESS STUDIES. Sound chim and interesting right ? WRONG! It's nth but just COMPUTER STUDIES i call it. Computer is fun to USE, not fun to STUDY.

And tomorrow, i will be away from Singapore.
till then.






I NEED A NEW BAG !

Finally the Mid-Sem Test is here. IM mugging now, serious. And, chatting as well la. You know my computer doesnt leave me whenever im at home, unlike my wallet, which is now gone forever from me. I lost my wallet.

All the best for Biz students taking tests this week. hmmmm..
Shall not blog more.




Looking forward to the end of Mid-Sem Tests

what a week. a wasted week. exam is coming in a weeks' time, and yet all i know is, NOTHING. i can feel the stress, but i dont have the ultimate urge/desire to study. Instead, i have the feeling of letting go of my fist, you know ? LETTING GO? Absolutely, the wish to give up.

Currently, not only am i bothered about school examinations and school projects, im being bothered by the welfare of my family members. And, the ultimate power ever exist on earth, MONETARY AFFAIRS. Draining off medical fees from the family funds and sole breadwinner waiitng for admission into SGH later early morning is definitely enough to drive the family crazy. "Come on, you don't have to be too bothered by it", you may tell me, but it is immoral of me to stay out of it, especially when im part of the family myself.

Just yesterday i told my Aunts about how i feel when im at home, and tell them how much i have communicated with MACHINES rather than moving human-beings. Today, i realised that i could only rant in front of my best companion - the blazing red machine. YEAH, of course it doesn't contradict with my point i brought forward to my Aunts. Luckily, they suggested that i take a break off during my holidays to the countryside off Malaysia. I really need to relax a little.

And, i need someone ( be it face-to-face, or opposite/at the other end of my machine ) to care and be there for me. It's not easy, facing stuffs alone, keeping it to myself, acting up like nothing is happening, and .. SMILE. Tough luck.

Released, frustrations.

Im so disappointed with the adults.
My cousin is just 12year-old. Can you guys stop giving her the pressure of studying. She is not matured enough to think of those things YET. and , you guys stop comparing her with your own children. SO WHAT IF SHE DIDNT DO WELL FOR HER PSLE ?

poor girl.

Have this pain running down me every morning i wake up. The pain of going to school; the pain of seeing people that i might dread; the pain of attending the lectures and tutorials and do not know a single concept that was taught last week. How painful is that? Experience.

Down to 3 more weeks before the beginning of the Mid-Semester Examination. It's kinda stressful, kinda tiring. I just couln't find the usual energetic me back at home. I find myself lying on my bed sleeping every single afternoons, trying to get back my lost sleeps. However, how is it possible to get back the time that has flowed away from my hand. It is impossible, at least i think that it is not. I already tried to game less on my computer. (Somehow i feel that gaming less makes me feel more tired).

Life is such a torment, a mystery. I simply do not understand what life is all about. Bits and bits of events makes us our life . . .
we shall see.

Really a LONG LONG time since i last blogged. Has been feeling no good lately, stress from school tutorials and projects. Somehow i feel that im not on the right track. Everything/Everyone seems to be opposing me in a way or another. That sucks, seriously!

I dont know how to express myself, but i know that deep inside me there are alots of mixed feelings. Happiness/Sadness/Excitement.. etc etc. So much, and it just cant seem to stablised on one emotion. Is this being emo ?

I hope not.

What makes a friend ? Definitely not one that has no expressions on his/her face but smiles charmingly at your good friend when you encounter him/her along the walkway. What kind of friend is this ? Or is it because your good friend beside you has a contrasting effect that makes you seem, transparent ? I beg to differ.

Nothing last forever. Not even a friendship. Now i feel that i would appreciate more of long lasting friendships, and give no chance to those i made recently. As far as i know, they would just be passer-bys. At this period of time, yes thats what im thinking. Of course i know it's not right, so please come change my mindset.



Peeling the wounds - couldn't be found.

Case closed. Disputes ended, quarrels no more.
They are satisfied, so are we.

Cracks have been formed in our relationships, but hopefully it wouldn't widen.
Grouping has been such a chore to all of us, not easy to accomodate every single one in the 12-person clique. End up, there were sacrifices that were needed to be made. Surely peole will be disappointed with whatever finalized groupings, but yeah. Let's give and take.

Put this in simple term.
END.
yes, ended.

Everyone is selfish, in order to satisfy their own needs. Seriously, outsiders are not supposed to be involved in this situation. Lets see why is it so. Because, whatever decision is made by him/her, as an outsider, he.she would be detested as there would be parties unhappy with the decision. Tell you what. Just get out of the picture.

People always say "旁观者清", but let me tell you. This "旁观者清" too clear of the picture already. She/He seriously MUST stay out of this.
OK, dont dwell on this topic. Like i said, it's settled. At least on the outside, and on my part, it is.



Sunday had my soccer game again. Hmmm. seriously, i think my leg has some problem already. Shin aches after 2 runs, and muscle ache. Damn ! I think i cant do vigorous sports anymore. =/
Whats more, a disappointment. I have not received my Imported Jerseys. Has he or has he not gone to China yet ?

=(
A disrupted 4 days . .

ohwells, has been such a long time since i last blogged. Couldn't find the urge for myself to post a new entry.

School semester started and work is piling up right now. Guess what? Projects are piling up high too. Project-mates.

I realised i am becoming a more silent person, less talkative as compared to before. What's wrong? I dont feel myself being weird though, just have the feeling that lesser people will talk to me cause im so quiet ? Is that the reason or there's more that meets the eye.

Went off to celebrate Eric's birthday today, surely lots of fun and laughter. And banging into . . . POLES? lols. amused by his antics. =))


Have not played soccer for quite some time, and mingxuan is out out town for holidays, so no soccer tomorrow. =/ . however, hopefuly sunday wont rain, if not it would be another disappointment without soccer. lols. chill out!
I dont know why, my shin just does not feel right! Recently morning walk from House to CompassPoint can cause an ache in my shin, making me hard to travel around on my legs. It has the breaking pain, understood ? I dont know what's wrong. Hopefully the Feng Shui Shi wasn't right. "He said that i should be involved in too much vigorous exercise as it will deteoriate my legs, and said that year 2009 is an inauspicious year for me", we shall see how true it is...





Even a BROKEN clock is right TWICE. No one is ever always wrong..

The rain spoils my plan for today morning - a game of soccer with the gang.

WHAT!
It actually hurts!



Im quite numbed by it.
Praying to you, God.

Has been days since i last blogged yeahs? My leg is seriously aching very much now, had track training and soccer game yesterday morning ( perhaps later in the afternoon too, if the weather goes well ). Well, yesterday was Guozhi's birthday, so we kinda celebrated for him . Funny to hear him say " I know you all wanna use the cake to smash my face . Smash la smash la. " He is surely one funny bro of mine man. =)
Hope he had fun. We drank yesterday too by the way, only to see that Carolyn's face turned red. OK, pinkish-red.

Anyways, overheard something. Seriously i dont like that dude out there man. It's like, "HEY WTF MAN YOU? Speak and dont whisper, arse!". Don't badmouth people behind their backs, do it in my face dude. You know what i mean man. I heard it, in case you didn't realise. But hey dude, im respecting you like a man. So please, behave like one yeah?


enough of the f***ed up.

Got to go apply some gel to my leg . . . IT'S ACHING TOO BADLY MAN. !!!!!

alright. that yellowish "boy" made me travel so much to get him. aiyah, i just need a cheap pair. lols.

Here's the journey:
1.Cycle to Hougang Mall.
2.Took MRT to Kovan.
3.Took MRT to CityHall (Pennisular Plaza).
4.Took MRT to FarrerPark (Mustafa).
5.Took MRT back to HougangMall.
6.Cycle Home.

All these completed in 4 1/2 hours. BRAAAAAAAVO.

Anyway, i met this kind soul in Pennisular Shopping Centre, telling me about the conditions of some boots. (Anyway, i went to search for those cheapskate soccer boots. BUDGET BUDGET !!)
So, he was telling me that those boots ($30/pair, and look as though they were worned before) will crack really really soon. He advised me not to buy them and go to Mustafa instead. There, you know why i ended there. Anyways ! Who the hell said that Mustafa has smell ?! Nonsense.

And now, i will look forward to my Saturday and Sunday soccer games.
Holy, i finally went out.

now my leg is really aching, very much.
and my soccer boots have worn out . dumped.

Today is yet another day which i feel rather bored. I have many places that i want to go to, especially Queensway and Pennisular, but i simply feel too LAZY to step out of the house. Im like so sick of going out, although it's like i only went out twice last week. I just feel sian.

Anyways, heard of friends who didnt do well for the JC1 Promos. Well, i guess they must be feeling really disappointed. If i were to be one of them , i would feel disappointed too man. Academic is really too much for us students to take it man! I thought kids like us should have a good childhood ?
Shrugs.

No matter what, the results have already became a fact to them. Lets hope that they would get over it and things will be fine, somehow, someday.

thankyou AUNT.
im blessed with nicest AUNTS and UNCLES.



Repayments in the future. Sharing of love in the present.

very well. i have already reached the stage where i have minimum desire to get out of the house, at all. NOT even out to buy some food for myself. Right. Thats what we call laziness? or boringness?

Period, laziness.

Woke up early today, unintentionally, by a phone call and the other side of the line was someone crying, crying as though she is a little child. Yes, she was reprimanded, infront of a large crowd. I believe the scene hurt her, both physically and emotionally. I can understand how she felt from the way she talked to me. I hope she understand how i felt too? I , couldn't cheer her up during the short conversation. All i could do, was to hush her down. I supposed it's because the phone call was too abrupt, she hasn't called me in years. YES, years.
I felt total helpless-ness in me.

Let's get things right. I believe no one would loved to be scolded early in the morning, especially is her 1ST incident in school. Make some sense, whoever the teacher is. Yes, Sir. For your professionality in the teaching career, i address you as SIR.However, please hold on to some doubts about the way you treat your students and not pin them down the moment they make a mistake.
Hold on a minute, "Was that even a M-I-S-T-A-K-E committed by your poor student?"
It was a total disgrace to have such an educator in a prestigious college. Do i assume that this is the only particular incident that i known of ? YES, i assumed. I guess there is no need of me to look for more examples of your . . . DEEDS ?

Alright alright. Let's be nice. May God bless you.


P.S: The day indicated should be Thursday.

once again,
"where are you mesmerising?" , he asked me.

it's confirmed!

I think i injured my back.
It's aching.


Too much soccer, up and down the flanks.
A goal scored today.

RIGHT ! Im home, back my own home, with a little bit patches on red on my both arms and legs - sunburnt.

Had the soccer tournament today. 2nd. I wouldn't wanna elaborate more, except for the REFS.
Try finding a Referee who talks to other people while referee-ing a game. Well, you can easily find it at the competition i took part earlier today. And for that, we threw away 1 game.

Forget it.
Im seriously pissed off with the olds in my house. They are meddling too much into my personal life that i can hardly take it anymore. WELL, imagine they said " No more soccer games for you, play less ". OK ! no need to imagine, they already did. Dont like the feeling. Morever, i dont have much of the mood to quarrel with them. I mean, NOT ANYMORE.


tragic

It has been some time since i last blogged. Hmmm, well i guess it is because my mood has not been so good.

Some things happened recently, of cos not the good ones. However, i guess the issue will be resolved soon, if not later. HAHAS. I can really be irritating at times yeah ? I dont know why, but as soon as i felt lonely or too much time to myself, i will react this way. Many told me i stayed at home too much. Well, i guess there is such a possibility as well. So, i have decided not to stay in too much. And ok, even if i did, i shall not spend my time online too much. OK! Even if i spent my time online too much, i should try watching some videos or game ! Hahas. I just managed to crack Fifa into my LapTop ( hey! This laptop supposed to be for work. Well, supposed i said )

The time now is 6.42a.m, Saturday. Weather, fine. Mood, excitement with a little of drowsiness within the head. I did not have a good rest last night .
Okok, soccer match later. Playing my usual position - left winger again. Ever since i started playing soccer, i have been along the sides ( unless there is a necessity for me to play upfront.) Honestly, i dont really have an eye for goals. But, i can place the ball nicely for the strikers! =)




I shall go get ready now !
To Denise, Yifang and others related, im really sorry.

11.40AM.

nothings

It is such a torment. Now ! I feel like playing God. I feel like being the one who has in control of EVERYTHING - Jonathan Almighty. Sounds weird, but who cares.

Im so sick of the happenings around me. My desire to get hold of that seems beyond my reach. Do not get the wrong idea. Get hold of NOT EQUALS to possess.


"where are you AGAIN, mesmerising?" , we asked each other.
Now im really bored. Will the JCians Promos end FAST FAST FASSSSSST !!!
HAOLUN!!


Today is Sunday, competition is on Saturday. From yesterday's training, I know im not going to make it. Lets say, SEMI-FINALS?

Nothing could have been better than yesterday, knowing a new friend who is of great pleasantness that awaits everyone to discover. Well, at least i am trying to.

I always think that it is much much better to befriend a friend of YOUR OWN'S friend. I dont know why, but it just feels better. It makes the friendship fonder, the bond greater. Anyways, i had a great 1st-time chat with this new friend of mine, and now im here praying for something:

Jonathan prays, " I hope that the enjoyment that was shared during the conversation doesnt last shortly. I certainly hope that it is of long-term. Or better still, of forever. "

Time passes really quickly and today is already Thursday. Lets see what awaits ahead of me for the remaining 3 days of my week 4 holiday. Nothing is on on the Friday, soccer practices on both the Saturday and Sunday before setting of for the competitions on the following week. It has been sometime since i took part in a soccer tournament. WELL, for as far as i can remember. This would only be the 1st time for the past 3 years. And whats more, i have 2 competitions this year =D. Or rather, this month.



=DDD.
alright, i came across many blogs where there are spammers and people posting nasty remarks on the tagboard. Seriously, we should be responsible internet surfers. Stop doing those things.

could it be me that was mentioned? somehow i felt so, that yes it is me. BUT, i sincerely hope not. Because i know, it couldn't be something good.

im back from chalet. Really tired and . . . (yawn)
Nothing much about this class chalet, just that it is another gathering with my classmates ever since the start of the school holidays. Well, it's great being together again after two weeks of holidays. I guess we dont have to do anything special, but gathering together is already an enjoyment, especially we cycle/blade along Pasir Ris Park.

Mosquitoe bites.
=/

seriously, " Where is MESMERISING?".
dang it.



I dont like it when people whisper whisper whisper...
It is like, "hey, im so not gonna tell you what we are talking about. maybe you should move yourself away to make our conversation more convenient". LOLS.
and it's worse because the 3rd party simply cannot be thick-skin and ask, " eh what you all talking about tell me lehs" . I wouldn't.






Tiredness and torment flu again. =s

I woke up in the middle of the night and felt this pain down my spine. For that moment, i thought i would be paralysed.

Im going off to my class chalet soon.






"Mesmerising, where are you?" , we asked.

It's really a contradicting decision to make. DO, or DON'T.
I wouldn't wanna do something stupid and end up making myself like a clown. MESMERISING will always be kept inside to myself and some of us people. When time passes on, whether or not i know what i want, MESMERISING will always be kept within us. Because, it could just not be . . .

im not sure about how the situation is like right now. Because it dont seem PERFECT to me, neither does it seem IMPERFECT to me. Serious, i dont have a tiny bit of idea how it is like right now. I wouldn't wanna know , not right now. But, if someone came forward to let known to me, i would be BRAVE to accept anything. Be it good or bad.



当期待成为了一种无奈，你应该知道你的期待是个假像。
但是！
当你对期待抱着一中乐观的看法，你会发现到这期待其实就是你生命中的等待。




人，诺没有正确的期待，那么他就其实过这一个“走一日，过一日”的生活。
没意义！！



I dont pledge to find out the real answer. Neither do i want to force myself to find out the truth . Because i know, if i leave it there and i felt its absence someday, i know it's FOR SURE i do.

Does it really matter to you?

Obviously no right ? Words which carry the meaning of " i treat you as good friend no more " can come leaking out of your teeth is already certainly determined as YOU DON'T CARE at all. So why should i bother too much about it. I should just stop trying, shouldn't i ?


Alright, i got back my results.
A
B+
B
C+
C
which means, gpa: 3.0/4.0
How sucked can that be, right ?

OHWELLS, spare a thought for those who didn't do much better than me. I guess we all have to work hard in the NEXT 5 SEMESTERS.

一个真正的好朋友永远不会离去你，不会说“你以不是我的好朋友”。
根何况，我有一群朋友，也有几个要好的朋友。

It doesnt matter to me anymore, i supposed.
but when i went on to ponder about it, things surfaced on my head . . .

gorgeous.
today is the beginning of the second week of my holidays, i wonder i should call for joy or unhappiness?
JOY, because im still having my holidays. UNHAPPINESS, because i feel like a prolonged drowsiness within my own disaster of boredom.

ahwells, im a moderately joyful person AT THIS VERY MOMENT.

look, i told my good friend this.
人，一生最大的敌人就是自己。

i hope she understand this and will move on from what is causing her miseries and frustrations. it has been a long time since i tried to comfort someone, and i hope i eased her down. =D . what's more we have been friends for years.
hahas.

ANYWAYS, it's really irritating when this F up person is always thinking that he/she is right for everything. it really does piss one off. I think he/she is fully enticed with him/herself that he/she starts to think too highly of him/herself. He/She mentioned that "yeahs, im very self-assured". i was like " WHAT THE . . . " .
Anyway, people say ignore. OK, ignore.

Shandie is right. There are somethings we simply just cant ignore. It kept coming back into your mind. THE PROBLEM IS JUST THERE, even how hard you tell yourself not to think about it. I guess it's just human's nature.

Anyway, i msged MESMERISING today. hmmm, just some short msges but it certainly bring some joy to me . keep going .
I will smile more.


HEY GUYS, smile a better each day.
my catchphrase now.


last but not least, I REPEAT to the one i told to read my blog,

ALRIGHT, today is really a tiring tiring day !!!
hmmm.
when things get worse and worse, until when i can no longer hold on to it. this kind of feeling sucks, especially when this friend meant a lot to me.
HE/SHE likes to engage into quarrels with me, thought she always mention that " i also dont wanna quarrel with you", but her actions tell me otherwise.
Tell me which good friend dont care and bother about the other party.
ANYWAYS, today Shandie, HaoLun, Gina and I went to town to celebratE Shandie's birthday. Not much of celebrating, just accompanying her, supposed to be me dating her. I don't mind crowds =D.
So, it's really the first time i celebrate for her. =D
Nothing much of it, because im her friend, once a good friend ? lols.
Well, i do enjoy their accompany as well anyway. So, it's actually beneficial to me.
ah shrugs. im tired.

Post a few neoprints, which someone thought it was GAY. obviously not ! darn .

take today as the first day of the holidays. I can sense the "NO-LIFE" within this period of my YEAR 1 POLY LIFE. it's totally absurd. Students look forwards to holidays, including myself. However, when it finally arrived, i am clueless about how to go about spending it - the 7-week holidays.

WELL, i was told to go look for a job. YES, im trying to get one. but it's never an easy task alright. Not especially when you are a student look for a holiday job.
i guess i just have to spend the time reading books and gaming.

HOW NO LIFE IS THAT.
talking about enriching myself ?

I can't wait to count down to the day which RESULTS WOULD BE RELEASED. i mean, it's time i look forward to it --to prepare for the sub papers? I just have a feeling that i will have to go through one of them. IT'S NO GOOD.

Tomorrow has training again. 7.30AM. there goes my morning and i wonder what lays ahead for my Tuesday's afternoon. I hope that it's certainly usefull and full of utmost pleasure.
ANYWAYs, i came across a friend's nick on MSN, "What If". At that instance, i thought , " If there were to be WHAT IFs, and WHAT IFs do really happened, people would be hoping/wishing that WHAT IFs do not exist."
It sounded beyond our understanding, neither could i make out what im trying to say, but i certainly am sure that it makes sense. If not all, at least some.

"Too bad lo. Life sucks lo", has certainly becoming a catchphrase for me to keep my motivation going. Life sucks no matter where we are, so we got to make full use of our environment.

Today, i was stunned when someone accused me of something which I DID NOT DO before. I have no idea how/where HE heard that from. But, im certainly sure that whatever he ACCUSED me of does not valid.

WORDS are the most harmful thing on earth, for decades, for centuries, it will be.

Today was another long day which kept me REALLY REALLY OCCUPIED. woke up in the morning and had to get ready to go IT fair (for goodness sake, it's the third time in 4 days) with my uncle to get his desktop . We got the COMPAQ, and coup a FREE PRINTER. lols. quite a deal.

Anyway, today's weather is ATROCIOUS. it MADE ME WET, DIRTY and MUDDY. WET, because i was drenched. DIRTY and MUDDY because i had a game of soccer at PUNGGOL after that rain ( Sunday soccer game is actually becoming a routine activity ).

AHWELLS. dispense all these. I was chatting with some friends and telling them about my trip back to NCHS that friday. HMMMM, did i or did i not mention that i had a game of soccer with my old clique ? ANYWAYS, i felt really delighted when playing with them. Ah, everyone should know. WE mixed around EVERYDAY back then. NOW, no more. We dont even talk, not even during the FRIDAY'S VISIT to school, or during the 1/2 hour soccer game. Some did, i meant the team-mates of my side.
WELL, it was really nice to have Jonathan Lim inviting me to join in their game, and have ChinKiong welcoming me with a handshake. It was even more of a nice feeling when Jonathan Lim praises me for my improvements (Sunday games do really help me).

How i wished i can go back to them...

ANYWAYS, Debbie is leaving for London tomorrow (LONDON, i think). We exchanged glances on Friday, or rather we LOOKED, SMILE, and WAVED. I was wishing that i could chat with her, or even take a photo with her. This is especially so as she's my ALL-TIME best-best friend in NCHS. Im sorry but really no one can replace her, although we dont CONTACT with each other much.

HaoLun, bring her to see me soon. =)

THE PAIN of that AFTERMATH, it remained and it will . . .

yeah right. it's just another dreadful day today - waking up early in the morning to go for NCHS TRACK training. i do like to train them and train WITH them. they are my juniors afterall.
But that makes me really really tired.

While thinking that my morning would be eventless, something happened at Hougang Stadium. 3 girls were running on the track and one of them lost her bag, consisting of handphone, wallet, NRIC ( she told me ). So it was really saddening, and i told her it is impossible to find it back. NOT EVEN THE BAG. well, i did try to help her find . Hmmm, that makes me thought of my past few years training in THAT STADIUM. I guess that stadium is well-known to be a "THIEF" stadium. My track team lost a total of 5 handphones and money ( adding all up can worth 1000++ ) within 2-3 years. amazing ?

OF course, we couldn't find the bag left. i could see her rosy face filled with worried. =/
but her dad came along and commented "WHAT A LUCKY DAY".
anyway, i was wondering why the "thief" didn't take the crumpler bag instead, at least the bag itself already worth a hundred over. OHWELLS

Yesterday we went back to NCHS to celebrate Teachers' Day. HMMMM. missed out the chance to take picture with MISS OH. and the mesmerising girl. almost can, but she said " im not pretty today, next time". And i did spend some time alone with her in the library (CP) at night to borrow some books. She's really many guys' dreamgirls.

Anyway, i was with ex-2H yesterday, crapping and bowling. quite enjoyable, and it's great that they make me feel not awkward. Afterall, i already know them since sec2. And we are more than normal friends. =)

TIREDNESS is setting into me. and i really need, a break.



stomache. [random]

Alright. i came back to blogging again. it has been quite some time that i thought of returning to this blogging system, but you know, my urge does not surpass my laziness.
so when i finally did, and managed to figure out what went wrong with my blogger, i BLOG.

Examinations have just ended today, on thursday. I did have regrets for not paying ENOUGH attention during tutorials. However, everything is already over. I SHOULD NOT be thinking about it anymore. Instead, it's high time for me to plan the rest of the 7weeks of my holidays.

Before that, it's also time to sit down by myself and think what have gone wrong with me these couple of days. BAD attitude has been acting up and engaging in redundant arguements or bickerings which end up with both of us being pissed off.
It's a feeling which both of us don't fancy. YEAH, good friends SHOULD NOT be like this. But, whenever i thought about what we went through together, i felt that we took each other for granted.
I have been pondering. Should FRIENDS keep a distance from one another? In a way, not to be too close ? It is a case where FRIENDS demanded too much from each other, expecting the other parties to go their way. And when all the parties think alike, conflicts are deemed to occur.

Attitudes - in the eyes of others im behaving like some attitude fella. but how about in my own eyes? Is it a matter of OPINIONS? YES, i do admit that my attitude do stinks at times and i seldom think before i say. BUT why so ? i simply dont understand many many things. I start to fail to understand myself.
Should I continue to be POSITITVE? i was all along. ALRIGHT, at times paranoid.